my big mouth

I have a problem.

Practically since birth, I have been talking.  I'm sure I was the type of annoying kid who just prattles on and on and on (and on and on), not really caring if anyone is listening.  The kind that makes parents insane from the constant barrage of words flying around the car on a trip.  Where parents envision duct tape for a fleeting moment, just for some peace.  I'm sure my parents relished every minute after I had finally gone to sleep each night.  From kindergarten probably through 8th grade, I always had notes on report cards, starting nicely enough ("Barbie is very bubbly but needs to not disturb her classmates") to the more direct ("Should pay more attention in class and less talking"), that I needed to just be quiet.

If it were only that easy.

I realize I'm rambling, and God only knows why but I can't stop.  I feel as though I have all of this information inside and must share it with anyone who gives me two seconds of their time, and I only have one second to get it out.  I ramble, I talk fast, I monopolize.  I know I'm doing it, and feel awkward, which makes me nervous and then I talk faster.  It's horrible.

I've tried to do better, but for the most part, I fail. 

When I'm in Morocco, I'm forced into silence in a way, since I can't just blather on and on really QUICKLY, because I have to think words through and figure out if I know the word in Arabic or French, and if I don't....hand signals.  But even that is fading, as my vocabulary grows.

The other night I had a really sweet sister come to visit - haven't seen her in at least 4yrs - and looking back I'm mortified.  I rambled, I was disjointed, my attention was like a 3yr old (or the dog in the movie "UP" ~ SQUIRREL! ~) I'd be on one subject and then see something and change the subject mid-stream (talking about Ramadan, opened the fridge and saw a hot pepper staring at me...."Hey, do you like spicy stuff?  I've been making this salsa lately....").  I'm embarassed.  She will probably be in no big hurry to come again, seeing as I'm a word hog and a crazy, over caffeinated one at that.   

Ya Allah, help me to not have the verbal tsunami that just flies out of my mouth on a continual basis!!  Please, ameen.

Troy Davis

Last night Troy Davis was executed by lethal injection by the State of Georgia. Now, I’m not anti-death penalty, but I think it has to be certain that the person is guilty. In this case, from everything I have learned, there was simply too much doubt over his guilt in the crime he was convicted of. Seven out of nine witnesses recanted their testimony, stating in most cases they were coerced by the police, or threatened with jail time (if they had been arrested for some other crime). I hope I’m never arrested or put in jail for anything, but God-forbid, if I were…..I’m not sure I could lie on someone when their LIFE is hanging in the balance, just to save my own skin. I’d have to answer for that later, in the hereafter, and I think I’d rather take my punishment now, in this life.

I guess the family of the victim, a white police officer, thinks they will have closure with Mr. Davis being killed. That word, “closure” is such a joke. Who can ever have closure over a death, especially a murder?? Oh, maybe you’ll feel a little lighter thinking the killer is off this earth, but it’s not going to bring back your person, they will still be dead. I remember reading an article by a woman who was very much pro-death penalty, since one of her loved ones had been murdered, and she waited and counted down the days until the killer was executed. She witnessed the death, and said she expected this big sense of relief or peace, and nothing changed. She still felt the same way she did when she walked into that death chamber, and after that she was very much anti-death penalty.


If you know beyond a doubt someone killed your loved one (and in Islam, there are very strict precursors as to how guilt is decided – it’s not just “he said, she said” stuff), and the family wishes for the life of the killer to be taken, that should be done. BUT….if the family of the victim wishes to grant that killer LIFE, that should also be honored. So many people get away with murder, and God only knows how many others are executed who are completely innocent. How can someone sleep at night knowing they might have killed someone who was 100% not guilty of the crime they died for?


As Troy Davis said last night as his final words, may God have mercy on their souls.

And may God have mercy on Troy Davis' soul.

memories from Casa....

Each time I go to Morocco, I feel better, more adapted, more at home.  I love the people, they are are sweet, kind and loving, hardly anyone complains, no matter what their station in life. 

I forgot about some of the pictures I had taken on our last trip, but remembered them today, so I'm sharing .

First, the mosque right outside my sister-in-law's house (the house where my husband grew up, subhan'Allah)....

I took this one day when we were heading downtown, just to stroll around the city of Casablanca and check out the sites.  

I was taking an Arabic class, so I wanted to get some signs in Arabic, and I thought these were pretty good....at least you know the shape of the STOP sign, so you can't really mess up and keep going:

....the Bel Air of Casablanca!

.....the American Language Center in downtown Casablanca, where you can learn about America and how to speak English.....

....and the most important thing: LEARNING TO COOK! 

I still haven't mastered Moroccan cooking, but I'm trying.  I think I'd need a good 6mos, completely submerged in Moroccan daily life (and cooking) and getting my hands smacked when I put in the wrong ingredients, to REALLY master it like my sister-in-law.

I give it my best try though, and insha Allah, one day, I'll cook like a Moroccan!

memories of freedom

I love this video.  It reminds of the Egyptian Revolution.  I am proud to have witnessed this important piece of history.

May you long enjoy freedom Egypt.

peppers.....my new obsession

I recently started craving spicy foods.  I think it started with the "buffalo wing cheddar" I bought a BJ's.  It was super hot, the hottest cheese I have found to date, and I loved it!  My sister-in-law bought some also, but said it was too hot (I got the rest of hers - yay!).

She had told me of the neighbor who lives behind them, how he's growing all these hot peppers and whatnot, and he gave some to my brother.  My bro is telling me these are the "hottest peppers in the world" and of course I was skeptical.  He told me the names so I went straight home and Googled them all.  Lo and behold, he was right.  One day I begged my sister-in-law to come with me to Pepper Guy's house, because I'm not keen on just strolling into some stranger's yard.  We talked with him, he showed me all the peppers he was growing, and gave me a bunch of them.

I went home and made some salsa.  Someone had given us peaches and I had 2 left which were going to go south if I didn't use them, so I put some into the salsa. 

It was delicious!!!  I made another batch and took it to a party, and while it is extremely hot it also has a really good flavor.  When that batch was done, I made some with a chocolate jolokia pepper (another HOT batch), and my most recent endeavor.....I made some with blackberries and a half a peach (in addition to the tomatoes, cilantro, lime juice, etc).  It is so yummy....and honestly, I wish I could grow these peppers so I would be able to have salsa all winter long.  I'm not learned enough to make HUGE batches and can them, I only make enough for me. 

Here is the blackberry salsa.....soooo good!!

I still have some peppers, two of which are the "yellow 7 pods" and are also extremely hot.  I have to figure out how to maybe can some salsa, but it's not a huge batch (maybe 6-8 jars, tops), and I've never canned anything, so I'm lost.

letters....words....blood

Twice I have seen movies that made me understand that somestimes, unless you have experienced a thing firsthand, there is no adequate way to describe it.  Not what you saw, the way you felt....only the others who have experienced the same can know these things.  One movie was "We Were Soldiers" with Mel Gibson; the other "Le Grande Voyage" about a man's pilgrimage to Mecca. 

This is the reason war veterans are so close....no one, no matter what they think they know, can ever imagine what is seen in war, things that can never been unseen or unheard.  The likewise goes for death.  When life leaves a body, there are no words to explain what you witness...everything, all the colorful adjectives fall flat in reality to what has been experienced.

One thing I find truly appalling, is when members of our Gov't vote to enact war.  It is my firm belief that if those same members have children of age to go....those children should be automatically enlisted and sent to the war theater in a capacity that will put them as much in harms way as the farmer's or secretary's child. 

I believe that war would be more thought out, if the blood of the rich ~ who seem to think theirs more precious than the lower income class ~ were as likely to be spilled as the blood of the poor.

My Sweet Boy....

Sammy.

 

I've had him since he was maybe 8wks old, perhaps less.  He was small, and loud, and clung to me like velcro.  My cat Dink hated his guts, because he invaded "her" space and now "her person" was paying attention to him.  But he was too sweet to ignore....he'd wrap his paws around my neck and try and lick my eyelashes.  He slept with me, purring himself to sleep.

He's old now, just hit his 15th year.  He's deaf, and gets confused when he can't see me (and cries VERY loudly when that happens).  He meanders through the house, and only likes to sleep or be in areas where his back is protected and he can look out and see what's going on.  His routine, which they religiously follow, was abruptly shaken earlier this year, and I'm not sure he's been able to recover.

My father-in-law was here for 6mos last year, from early April 2010 through late September 2010, and he and Sammy were buddies. 

Ba Mostafa (my father-in-law) came again this year, and our hopes were he would stay here permanently.  When I opened the door on the day of his arrival, he looked more tired than ever before.  I thought it was just old age and the chilly air.  A month into his visit, we found out his cancer had returned and spread.  It was decided he would go home to Morocco, as he would want to die in his home country (we did not tell him the prognosis, but we knew his wishes).  His departure was swift....after a week in the hospital, his belongings were packed and we literally took him from the hospital to JFK, where my husband flew home with him to Morocco.  Sammy did not get to spend time with his buddy, and after ba Mostafa was gone, Sammy started having "accidents."  They were occasional, until I went to Morocco in early July (thinking it was the end), and when I returned....I could smell it. 

I doused the carpeting in all kinds of anti-stinky sprays, and it worked.  I put him on anti-anxiety medication to keep him from constantly pacing and crying (in addition to his hyper-thyroid medicine he gets).  But he just looks so....frail now....so lost.  Watching him is like seeing an old person....he moves more slowly, has trouble getting up, seems forgetful, gets confused.

I hope he will let me know when it's time.  I can't make that decision again, and have regrets.  I keep praying that Allah will take him one night in his sleep, just a peaceful departure.  I hope that's how I will go as well.

Tangia

Yesterday I tried out our "tangia."  My husband bought one when we were there last (July 2011), but it was too large for him to carry back (I left a few weeks before he did).  Sadly, he had to go back recently because my dear father-in-law passed away, and he brought it back with him.

I followed the recipe I found (almost all of them are the same), but I think the smen I used was maybe no good anymore.  Pity, because the meat was very tender, but next time insha Allah I'll try lamb and NO smen, and see how it is.  My mom & her friend loved it though, and her friend said she'd come over for it any time. 

I placed it in the oven as I had read (turn oven on to 450, then drop it immediately to 250 after putting the tangia in and let it cook for 4-5 hours.  I cooked mine for 5).  So, this was a first attempt, and next time will, insha Allah, but better.

(now if I could only master the khubz.....)

Only Allah knows....

Asalaamu alaikom.

I am 44yrs old now....actually 44.5.  This may seem silly, counting in half years, but I just sometimes feel the clock ticking so loudly in my ear.  A friend just announced she (at 43) is pregnant for the first time.  I am so happy for her, but sad for me.  I want more than anything to have a baby with my husband, so insha Allah, this will happen for us.  I know I can get pregnant, it has happened twice, but neither took for long.  I make du'aa all the time, but Allah knows best in all matters.  I will be happy in life no matter what He decrees for us, because I know it is from Him and He is the Best of Planners.  He guided me to the straight path, and I know He will never let me down.  People may, but Allah never will.

So, time to start eating better, taking vitamins again, and getting ready for a baby to make it's way into our lives (INSHA ALLAH).  And if not....at least I'll be healthy!