my big mouth

I have a problem.

Practically since birth, I have been talking.  I'm sure I was the type of annoying kid who just prattles on and on and on (and on and on), not really caring if anyone is listening.  The kind that makes parents insane from the constant barrage of words flying around the car on a trip.  Where parents envision duct tape for a fleeting moment, just for some peace.  I'm sure my parents relished every minute after I had finally gone to sleep each night.  From kindergarten probably through 8th grade, I always had notes on report cards, starting nicely enough ("Barbie is very bubbly but needs to not disturb her classmates") to the more direct ("Should pay more attention in class and less talking"), that I needed to just be quiet.

If it were only that easy.

I realize I'm rambling, and God only knows why but I can't stop.  I feel as though I have all of this information inside and must share it with anyone who gives me two seconds of their time, and I only have one second to get it out.  I ramble, I talk fast, I monopolize.  I know I'm doing it, and feel awkward, which makes me nervous and then I talk faster.  It's horrible.

I've tried to do better, but for the most part, I fail. 

When I'm in Morocco, I'm forced into silence in a way, since I can't just blather on and on really QUICKLY, because I have to think words through and figure out if I know the word in Arabic or French, and if I don't....hand signals.  But even that is fading, as my vocabulary grows.

The other night I had a really sweet sister come to visit - haven't seen her in at least 4yrs - and looking back I'm mortified.  I rambled, I was disjointed, my attention was like a 3yr old (or the dog in the movie "UP" ~ SQUIRREL! ~) I'd be on one subject and then see something and change the subject mid-stream (talking about Ramadan, opened the fridge and saw a hot pepper staring at me...."Hey, do you like spicy stuff?  I've been making this salsa lately....").  I'm embarassed.  She will probably be in no big hurry to come again, seeing as I'm a word hog and a crazy, over caffeinated one at that.   

Ya Allah, help me to not have the verbal tsunami that just flies out of my mouth on a continual basis!!  Please, ameen.